Here are three things I’m worried about lately:

1) I think I may have fractured my foot over the summer and not really realized the severity of the incident until now, given I have had chronic foot pain ever since and my foot cracks in a way it never used to prior to the “Got-my-foot-slammed-into-the-heavy projection-booth-door-with-the-giant-air-sucking-fan-making-it-close-that-much-faster-than-a-regular-door” incident of 2011.

2) I think I’m losing my hearing. What?  Either I need to get my ears drained, or everyone else should just SPEAK UP for Pete’s sake!

3)  I have to be fitted for “contact lenses for lamewads with astigmatism” next week.  What the hell?  Like I’m not already blind enough, I have to have a funny-shaped eye?  This isn’t fair, life!

And then there’s the voices…