I was going to write this big pre-Ottawa-bound emotional entry about what I feel going back “home” to where a significant part of my “becoming an adult” happened. But I think what it really boils down to is this:
Fuck you Owen Pallett. I know you’re talented, but that’s not what this is about. So go suck an egg, dick.
PS. What are you laughing at, Kevin Barnes, you prick?!
You think it’s over. You tell the cashier at Shopper’s Drug Mart that this is it. The last item on your Christmas shopping list. You go home to celebrate. You begin wrapping everything up and realize…
Nope.
I still need to get a basket to put all this person’s stuff in, because it’d be weird if they opened them up individually. Individually, it’s a weird gift, but in a basket, it makes sense.
This person’s basket looks to empty, I should go buy more chocolate to fill it up, or something like that. Maybe a candle?
This person didn’t get as much stuff as this person. They’re going to think I like this person more than them. I’d better go buy them something else so they don’t get that impression.
I hope I don’t see this person until this time, because I won’t have a gift ready for them in time.
Oh shoot, I keep forgetting to send those Christmas cards I’d written at least a week ago. There’s no way they’ll get them on time for Christmas now. Should I even bother sending them?
It. Never. Ends.
Merry Christmas Eve Eve everybody! I need to go find more baskets.
I’ve been down a bit lately with regards to our sketch troupe falling apart. I had all these ideas for sketches. Even when I didn’t have any ideas, I knew that if there was a show coming, I could sit in front of my computer and come up with something funny for the show.
But now, without a sketch troupe with which to perform, I’ve decided to turn my sketch ideas into short stories. The first one I’m working on is Christmas-themed, which is good because there’s no way I’d be able to stage it on time before Christmas. Once we start school up again, people will have moved on from the whole Holiday thing. (Ah, How fleeting is our time?…)
I don’t know if the humour I wish to depict on stage via sketch performers will translate as well onto the page. Maybe it’ll be more difficult when it’s not possible to see the reactions on the actors’ faces.
Hopefully readers’ imaginations are still capable of visualizing such emotional responses in their minds…, if the piece is written well enough!
Ooooh. New challenges!
Christmas shopping in Toronto is Satan’s nephew.
Why are the stores in the Eaton Centre so small? That mall is gigantic! You could maybe expand the space for the good gift-buying stores, and leave out the waste-of-space stores (ALDO Accessories? Just sell that shit at ALDO, wtf! The money’s going to the same place at the end of the day anyway!) AND, those stores that do have a shitload of space normally, just cram the aisles filled with pre-fashioned-together box sets of crap in bulk. (I’m looking at you, Body Shop.)
How pathetic is HMV looking these days? I know you have eight million copies of Nickelback’s new album, but would it kill you to have the one album I’m looking for in stock? Seriously? I’m glad you’re going bankrupt, HMV. Those “Best Deals of the Year” fluorescent signs all over the place isn’t hiding that from my sight.
Dumb HMV Lady: “Oh, I’m sorry… We’re all out of that particular product. We’re getting a huge new shipment next week though.”
Me: “Next week. You see how that isn’t particularly helpful for me, don’t you?”
Dumb HMV Lady: “Oh… is it a Christmas gift?”
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!
And shame on you, Sherway Gardens. Shame on you for SUCKING so hard. Not a single toy for kids under the age of 3 at the Sears there. That’s ageist.
There are stanchions in every store in Toronto.
Every. Store.
Stanchions.
That’s how many people go into EVERY STORE in Toronto. They need crowd control devices EVERYWHERE. In Hallmark. For crying out loud. I love Hallmark, but normally only old ladies shop there.
The idea of the personal bubble evaporates during the Christmas-shopping season in the big city. I’ve never accidentally bumped into so many people, or had to shout out EXCUSE ME so loud, or been hit by so many shopping bags in my life! It doesn’t help everyone’s wearing their bulky winter jackets (even though it hasn’t properly begun to snow here yet, so really there isn’t the need for them quite yet)…
And after a days’ shopping. You can count on the TTC for a most pleasant trip back home.
Pfft.
What fun it is to commiserate over the fact that we’ve decided having babies is not the priority in our lives.
Instead, we can be 27 and go out ’til 3 a.m. rocking out as a man dressed as Santa Claus fake-urinates on a crowd before ripping apart an adorable plush elephant with a chainsaw and shooting off fireworks.
I’m not saying it’s not a noble thing to want to bring new life to the world.
I’m just saying… chainsaws, bitches. Chainsaws!
Woohoo! The Holidays are here!
I intend to get loads of reading and writing done over the Holidays (doesn’t everybody?, ha!) to make up for the fact that I’ve been crazy busy over the past few months with year 2 o’ Clown College. I didn’t expect this year to be as challenging, mentally and emotionally (?) but alas, the first half is over and I now, I just need to make it out alive for four more months.
Four more months of gruesome competition: Who’s play is going to be put on? Who’s going to get to perform on the radio now that we have our new ties with XM? Who’s sketches and plays will make it into the end-of year show and finally, who will get a coveted sport in the Industry Show at the end of the year? That’s a lot of pressure, readers.
So again, I fully intend to take advantage of the next three weeks of vacation to recharge, because next semester is going to be insanely-nutso-busy-face!
Bring it on…
… in three weeks… I still need this break, hard.
There’s nothing like the dread of reading, out loud in front of the class, something you’ve painstakingly worked, re-worked and finally submitted to the critical masses that are your classmates and teachers.
All that, dramatically, to say…. “please please please I hope you liked my play. PLEEEEEEASE. Tell me it was OK. Tell me you liked it… PLEEEEEEEASE!!!!”
I mean…
Pfft. I don’t care if you don’t like it. Whatever.
I think it’s awesome.
Toates.
Pfft.
Whatever.
Howdy Blog-followers!
The semester’s winding down now! You can practically hear the sleigh bells in the hallways between classes!
Both myself and my computer were feeling a little under the weather recently. But systems seem to be getting back to normal, and in the case of my computer, even better than normal. (Sometimes, factory flaws are fun, because they mean your computer gets a new keypad thingamajig even four years after you bought the dang thing!)
Anyway, today Mark Breslin gave a presentation at school. He’s the guy responsible for the Yuk Yuk’s chain of comedy clubs in Canada, and ultimately, the reason any of us Humber kids are allowed as much experience as we are on a Yuk Yuk’s stage.
Here are a few things he brought up that really resonated with me:
1) Consume Culture, in all its forms:
I remember last year, the topic of comedy as an art-form was discussed in class and compared to music as an art-form. There was debate in class on that subject, suggesting the two were incomparable, but my opinion, as shared by many others, I recall, was that they are very much on the same scale. Breslin went so far as to compare his era of stand-up comedians as the comedy equivalent to the punk rock scene in the 70’s.
It makes sense that we should embrace all forms of the performing arts as performing artists. Why not increase our understanding of the theatre, opera, live music, poetry or any other art form if we wish to be recognized as legitimate artists?
2) Authenticity, a reminder to myself:
Forget about the fact that Humber kids tell dick jokes every Tuesday, Brie. You don’t have to tell dick jokes. You don’t.
3) Well, that was embarrassing…
That thing, that think you hate about the way you look. The audience is looking right at it, no doubt. That little piece of your history that you’re too shy to talk about, that’s going to make someone fall off their chair laughing. That story, that thing you do, that problem you have, that thing that hurts you the most…
That’s what’s going to sell.
There were a lot of other interesting discussions in the lecture; a question about the systemic problems inherent in Canadian television programming rendering it exceptionally difficult for homegrown talent to hit it big on the home front; musings about bullying and whether or not anti-bully laws might stifle the future creativity of some poor kid stuffed in a locker; how women are socialized toward loneliness (ha!) and how that makes life on the road as a stand-up comedian more difficult for (some) women.
Anyway, lots to think about.
I do enjoy this program, but I’m starting to really look forward to the post-this program to see where all this will take me.
Another reminder to myself: Brie, don’t let your lookingforwardness take away from each lesson you learn in that school. Wasn’t today a good improv class? You know it was. It was. You got to yell a lot. You like yelling, right? It’s fun!
Alas… Mark Breslin’s visit to Humber, everyone.
See you soon!
I miss performing sketch comedy, booking shows, and making money for being part of a group that made people laugh.
Tonight, I went to see my Physical Comedy teacher perform Stand-Up Comedy. Apparently it was her first time performing stand-up and she did GREAT! I think it’s fun to be part of a community of people who keep trying new things, working new techniques, exploring variety all in the name of comedy.
It’s inspiring and encouraging and I can’t wait to explore as much of it as possible.
Now, to rob a bank so I can afford to.
Brie Watson 