Author: Brie

Comedian, Writer & Popcorn Wizard.

You want one piece of advice, starting out comedian?  Don’t move to the suburbs.  

This lesson I learned the hard way and tried to rectify by responding to an ad on Craigslist for a reasonably priced basement apartment at Bloor and Ossington.  Fantastic location for a striving comic.  Less than 5 minutes walk to the subway.  Stumbling distance to Comedy Bar.  Perfect.  I went to check the place out and everything.  It wasn’t great.  But with a woman’s touch, it could look pretty damn adorable down there.  Also, my pet cat Peanut has a way of making any living space adorable.

The landlady agreed that I could bring by a deposit for the apartment and I was thrilled.  I would be moving back downtown.  After 2 years in Etobicoke, and a brief stint in Mississauga in an attempt to save some money, I would be back in the centre of the action, and I could not wait.  I could dream-taste the downtown garbage-day air already…

 January 1st 2014;  with Second City’s Conservatory program now complete, moving into a new place, I’d have more time free than I’ve had in a while.  Time to get back out there.  Do more stand-up, more improv, more storytelling.  Maybe meet some people willing to work together in a sketch troupe.  Get working on my writing; spec scripts, originals.  The whole nine.  Productivity ahoy!  This is going to be THE year.  But then…

RENEGE!

The landlady informs me in a poorly structured e-mail (weird, for a former teacher) that her current tenant is not able to leave when he said he would.  Which begs the question… WHAT THE FUCK were you posting an ad on Craiglist for if you weren’t even sure your fucking tenant was going to be leaving?  It’s like.. “Here!  Do you want to buy this car?  Yes? Well too bad, you can’t  It’s not for sale, sucker! BAHAHAHAHAHAHA!”

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I’m fairly certain that’s the entire point of an online marketplace.  You don’t put something up, unless it’s good and goshdarn available!  I’m sure somewhere there’s a law against this type of flaking, but because no money was exchanged, it’s really just a matter of screwing over the person you lead on, then crushing her hopes and dreams.  (Dramatic, much?)

I know an argument can be made for the fact that it is possible to be a performer and live in the ‘burbs, but personally, I feel as though I’m wasting SO much time on the commute, which drains my energy and my drive.   If I stay in town after working an 8 hour shift, to see a show  instead of say, going home and preparing dinner, then going back to town to see a show, I’m saving time, but draining my wallet.  Ultimately, it’s a vaccuum of wasting time and money on eating out, gas, parking etc.  I think living in town, even though rent is more expensive, the ultimate savings occur in time.

So now it’s back to the drawing board.  I’m off to spend hours on Craigslist, Kijiji, ViewIt.ca and other such sites in an ongoing search for a convenient, not horrible location that won’t break me financially and/or morally (that’s right, I’m not moving to Parkdale.)

Keep your eyes open for me please, friends.  And never, ever move to the suburbs if you want to keep performing comedy at this early and fragile stage.

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So, I freakin’ loved this book.  I was so happy that the main character was such a smart (shall we say geeky – but like, the Star Wars kind – not the “good at math” kind), strong yet insecure, down-to-earth, no-nonsense, hilarious and totally ass-kicking.  Geri is all the women I know who are so underepresented in literature and TV and media in general, but Gary Pearson brings this firecracker to life with such charm and compassion, and surrounds her with great supporting characters, some you love and some you’d love to see get hit by a truck.

The contrast between reality (the day-to-day; work, living accommodations, friends, family, Hamilton) and the dream-world of reality TV ($$$, hot babes, hockey stars and more $$$) are so wonderfully contrasted and eventually tangled that you become enthralled in the story and really feel for Geri and think; “What will she to choose?  What would I choose?”

And let’s be honest, anything that has to do with Reality TV that actually makes you think and feel is an amazing accomplishment on its own!  Read this book and feel something!

Yesterday, I walked down to the basement, or to the “Brie-cave” as my brother refers to it.  There, my cat was in her litter box, taking care of business, as it were.  She looked up and saw me, and was immediately filled with such joy and excitement that she felt the need to run out of her litter box before entirely finishing her business.

It was like a slow motion scene from a movie – her liquid cat discharge spraying everywhere!!

(I feel the need to mention she recently had to switch cat food to a hypo-allergenic brand, and it seems her internals are still adjusting to her new cuisine.)

She leaped onto the couch where I was now sitting and smeared a giant streak onto my oh-so-comfy blanket, which immediately made its way into the washing machine.

And so I got to thinking about life.  I mean, when was the last time you were SO excited about something you literally just shit everywhere?

It must be very freeing.

Gonna keep my butt in the sink for the next 2 weeks or so!
“Master says I gotta keep my butt in the sink for the next 2 weeks.. minimum!”

 

OK – I just finished my last thing interfering with Conservatory this past weekend, so all posts until December, and then maybe a little bit in January, should be about this final process of the Second City Conservatory program.  We’re getting down to crunch time, and our scenes are coming together, I think,  and I want to work on my scenes and write about the whole process and let you know how cool it is… but I can’t yet… because I have to talk about this minor interruption.

The 2013 Canadian Comedy Awards Festival

If you’re a connection of mine on LinkedIn, and you should be, you’ll note that this year, I was asked to help out with the Canadian Comedy Awards Festival in Communications; predominantly social media.  So, I signed up for HootSuite and off I went.  I took on a number of different duties since my initial on-boarding, such as translation, submission vetting, and most recently; taxi service.  Ironically, I did very little social media work while I was in Ottawa for the festival this past weekend – most of the time was spent running around trying to meet various arrival/departure timings of guests and nominees and coordinate other people doing any number of the numerous tasks that needed to be done to, you know, make the festival happen.  I wish there was a way to simply describe to you how the weekend turned out from the perspective of a volunteer – well, not just a volunteer, but a coordinator of volunteers amongst other things.  The best I can come up with is “AAARHG!?!!!!$^@GOGOGOGOGOGOGO!!!!!!!!!!!!!”  Yeah. I think that sums it up nicely.

Though the organization of the festival was the butt of many of Awards host Ryan Belleville’s jokes at the award ceremony, I was very pleased to hear how appreciative many of the attendees were of the organizers and volunteers who worked really really really really really really really REALLY hard to make the CCAF happen.  (Did I mention it was hard work?)

And beyond the simple happening of the festival, it was really cool that this year seems to have sparked a deeper level of conversation about the very nature of Canadian Comedy.  Example, Naomi Sniekus & Lauren Ash’s speeches at the Awards ceremony and Steve Patterson’s HuffPo piece:

It’s Time to Take Canadian Comedy More Seriously

This was my 4th year volunteering with the Canadian Comedy Awards.  I volunteer because I think our comedic talent should be celebrated.  And I think we owe it to each other to support each other and the institutions that help us keep doing what we do.  That’s why I help out – I’ve met some great people in the community through this festival – people I hope to work with down the line, people who’ve become close confidants within the industry, and people who are just, plain and simple, awesome and hilarious.

I may still be quite green to this world (yup, 3 years is still green, Mom & Dad)  (Oh, green is industry talk for “new”)  (See, I am learning stuff) – but if there’s one thing the Canadian Comedy Award makes me want to do than anything else, it’s create comedy and be a part of this great pool of hilarious and talented people who makes the country laugh, make our great cities laugh, and hell just make each other laugh after working over 12 hours driving people to-and-from the Ottawa suburbs in an overcrowded van.

But the Festival is over – no more interruptions, I’m going to work on this Con show to make it blow your minds and bust your guts!  I’ve got some COMEDY to birth, Canada!

I was feeling a little bummed out lately because my financial situation has rendered it impossible for me to check out any of the JFL42 action currently taking place around town – and I really wanted to go see Family Guy – as much as a bunch of you are probably like “buh, Family Guy is so lame!  My grandma’s more edgy than Family Guy!  Seth MacFarlane can eat his own butthole!”  Well, feel that if you may, but I still really wanted to see the live show – it would have been awesome.  Also, I like a man with that kind of flexibility.  Nevertheless, I’m broke.

THAT BEING SAID… I had to take a step back and remember a little thing called “appreciation.”  Because yes, I may not be seeing the amazing alternative, and not-so alternative (Family Guy) comedic acts taking place in our great city over the course of this week, but I AM, going to see one of my comedy HEROS, thanks to the generous donation of a benefactor who shall remain nameless, (it was Dan,)  the incomparable John Cleese, performing his “Last Time To See Me Before I Die” tour stop at the Winter Garden Theatre.  I haven’t been there since my first year in Toronto, when I was volunteering at my first Canadian Comedy Awards, and met awesome Canadian comedians the likes of Mary Walsh, Colin Mochrie, Luba Goy, among others.

Which brings me to the impending 2013 Canadian Comedy Awards, for which I have been Tweeting semi-regularly. That reminds me.  Can you hold for 140 characters please?

Ok, I’m back.  I got distracted by the “Best” and “Worst” Emmy moments “article” I stumbled upon, but they meant absolutely nothing to me as I didn’t watch the Emmy’s last night.  Rather, I went out and enjoyed prime rib, thanks again to a generous benefactor, who shall remain nameless. (Dan again.  Totally Dan!)

Yeah, so the Canadian Comedy Awards are also coming up – which means I get to spend 4 days in my former home of Ottawa. (I miss you Lisgar House!)  And I’ll get to see some of the best Canadian comedy has to offer.

I think I just wrote this post to cheer myself up.  I hope you don’t mind.  But it kinda worked, so that’s good. Sure I’m missing Marc Maron tonight, and tomorrow – where he’ll be a guest on Strombo, in the same building where I work, and it would be free, and I bet it’s gonna be awesome, but I’ll be working – hard, and a lot – and dealing with… stuff…

But so So SO much more importantly…

I feel like I won the lottery today!  Not because I like, won the lottery or anything, but simply and purely because I was able to make it to the Service Ontario in Streetsville before it closed! (HOORAY!!!)  (…despite my directions from Apple maps which sent me in the COMPLETELY opposite direction.  Why was I even USING Apple maps?  Apple maps SUCKS!)  Anyway…AND the Service Ontario office stays open well after it’s supposed to close to serve all the people who were able to sneak in the door before closing time.

So hooray for updated health card, drivers license and car registration!  Now the government and everyone has proof that I’m a resident of the… *gulp*…suburbs.

You guys should totally come out and visit me out here in Mississauga sometim-oh right.   The suburbs.

 

I was feeling a bit frustrated the past couple days because I really wanted to check out the opening of the new Second City main stage show, We Can Be Heroes, but tickets were sold out and short from showing up and sneaking in, I couldn’t really afford to go anyway. I attended one opening when I worked there and it was such a great atmosphere among the crowd, which was filled with Second City alumni and friends of the community just buzzing over the accomplishment and excitement of putting on a brand new show.

So, I wondered what I could do that would be comedy-productive, since checking out the new revue wasn’t happenin’.  I decided trying to get on at Yuk Yuk’s that evening would be that thing.  It feels like it’s been a century since I last performed stand-up comedy.

I signed up for Humber night and was put on the stand-by list.  I pretty much swam to the club in yesterday’s crazy downpour and enough people hadn’t shown up that I was given a set in the middle of the line-up.  The sent went really well.  The club wasn’t packed, but the crowd was so into it, they were laughing heartily.  Ahhh… music to my ears!  Granted, I was a little out of practise, but – I was still pleased with how it turned out.  It was also great to see some Humber folks, past and present still going hard at working on their craft.

When I got off stage, I checked my watch and realized there was still time to make it to the Second City Training Centre Tuesday night improv drop-in that I normally don’t drop-in on on Tuesday nights because I typically have class.  And after 8+ hours of work and 3 hours of improv, I’m normally pretty pooped.  Anyway, I went – attended, participated as “The Mighty Cheese” (which is now my wrestling name) and had a fun time playing some silly improv games in what is admittedly far to close to an actual WWE wrestling format for my comfort.  But we gotta break out of those comfort zones, n’est-ce pas?  I played a game working on emotional levels, and another sortof confusing larger group scene which was… shall we say… interesting?

What a fun and productive day!  New jokes were told, new improvisers were met, new underwear were worn (I wish – I’m broke!)

Next on the agenda:  I’m getting new head shots!   Sidenote:  I’ve been meaning to get this done for MONTHS!   (It’s FINALLY gonna happen!!)

This is the look I'm aiming for!
This is the look I’m aiming for!

I’m just saying – it’s not everybody you know that has a notebook at home, which begins with specific details pertaining to battle losses during the First World War, and a few pages later has a really good tag to an overly recounted vagina joke.

 

 

Blink once and you’re trying to stay awake driving to Montreal in a rental car because your own recently decided the breaks didn’t want to work and the tires were on strike. Blink again and you’re over two weeks later, riding first class on a VIA Rail train, eating zucchini, potatoes and scrambled eggs that taste vaguely like ham, even though I don’t remember if it said ham on the menu, and sleeping off the two-week long blur that was the Festival St-Ambroise FRINGE Montréal.

This was my first experience ever performing in a Fringe Festival. I’ve attended some Fringe festivals in the past, notably last year in Toronto and my last summer in Ottawa, where I volunteered in exchange for a few free performances. Let me tell you folks, performing is a whole nother ball game!

But one totally worth mentioning in CCC as the next great leap into comedy performance outside the protective walls of clown college. Even though clown college helped out a bit along the way. The truth is, Fringe is tough! In general, and particularly when you have to leave half-way through the festival to go back to your day-job on those few days you don’t have shows.

I ain’t no Spring chicken any more either, if you know what I’m saying. When I drive somewhere and arrive at 2am, I find it pretty damn tough to be fresh as a daisy and raring to go the next day. Which, apparently, is crucial in promoting your Fringe show. Luckily, my trusty partner was available and on location throughout the entire duration of the Montreal Fringe, and did more than her share of promoting, being interviewed, flyering, postering and chatting to friends and strangers alike trying to promote our show.

One thing I’ve learned, is that it’s helpful to have a tag-line. And I totally just thought about that, even though it makes sense, as that’s precisely what you need if you’re pitching TV shows, or movies or whatever because inevitably, people will ask over and over again “What’s your show about?” When your show is entitled “Water Wings,” it’s sortof vague, (which is amazing and appropriate, because vague is the French word for wave… oh I amuse myself,) it helps to have a quick, catchy way to summarize it in order to peak people’s curiosities and spark their desire in seeing your show.  With help from our wonderful director Pamela Barker, we’ve settled on a theme, rather than a tag.  And that theme is transitions.  Water Wings are a major transition – they help keep you afloat while you’re learning to swim on your own.  Just as each of our scenes, in one way or another, reflect transitions, both actual and metaphorical – relationships beginning and ending, people growing and learning, half-genie/half-horses using magical powers to turn people into inanimate objects.  You know, life!

Blink once again and you’re at the airport, waiting for your delayed late-night flight to Winnipeg, ready to do it all again.