Ladies and gentlemen, the founder of modern planking: Mr. Tom Green:

Every couple weeks at Humber, we have guests, people who have achieved a recognizable amount of success in the comedy industry, come speak to us about their experiences in the business.

See:

Dave Foley & Kevin McDonald

Mark Breslin’s Coming to Town

Last week was no exception.  What a treat to find out Tom Green would be taking a break from his stand-up tour to come talk to us Humber comedy geeks! #fun, right?

Breslin, Green & Clark Ltd.

Now let’s be honest, I’m not the #1 hugest Tom Green fan of all time.  BUT, as a friend (and former girlfriend) to some pretty huge TG fans, it’s fair to say I’ve been following his career for a long time now, I guess since he had his show on MTV. I feel like one of the few people in the Humber crowd that remembered his marriage to Drew Barrymore and his battle with testicular cancer (two issues that were, to my surprise, NOT brought up in the Q&A!) In fact, I’d even met him before, in his hometown of Ottawa.  He was doing a book-signing for Hollywood Causes Cancer at the Chapters on Rideau.  I told him he had a nice suit.  It was pinstriped.  I should probably read that book.

ANYWAY.  Let’s rewind.  Tom Green, Mark Breslin pointed out, is one of the founders of shock humour, reality television (of the non-sociological-research-based-variety) & comedy-rap. He was so influential in Canada that Macleans once had to decide between featuring Tom Green or Jesus as a cover-story!  (They went with Jesus, btw.)

He’s like the precursor to Ali G-type stuff in that he started subverting what TV is and going places TV hadn’t gone before.  (Humping a dead-moose, WHAT?)  Tom Green tapped into the American zeitgeist and started doing stuff that set the precedent for stuff like Jackass and a bunch of other crazy MTV stuff.  And for what?  Because he’d consciously taken note of the funny that comes from unsuspecting people’s reactions to bizarre situations.

Right?  We love that shit!  That’s one of the reasons shows like The Office are as funny as they are!

Sidenote: The main reason I’m writing this is so I can use words like subvert and zeitgeist.

Tom Green encountered some pretty significant difficulties seeing eye-to-eye with the higher ups in Hollywood, who didn’t really understand his vision.  One of his bits of advice to us was to know where to draw the line between keeping your vision intact and handling the bureaucracy of the industry. (Presuming we ever get that opportunity.  Fingers crossed)

Another was to separate yourself from the rest with your hard work.

Green admitted he never wanted to be a big-shot movie star, that he was given creative control of Freddy Got Fingered and that that’s why the movie is how it is.   His ambition was to be a Letterman-style talk-show host, and now he interviews celebrities on his Internet TV channel at tomgreen.com.

He’s also returned to his roots, touring the world performing stand-up comedy.  (Tom started doing stand-up at 15, performing at Yuk Yuk’s in Ottawa!)  I probably should have gone to check out one of his sets, but I was performing one of my own last weekend and I wanted to make sure I was prepared for that.

(It went really well, btw.)

Another great experience with an influential comic, thanks to Humber College.  (If this is the kind of stuff my tuition pays for, it’s totally worth it!)

Stay tuned, as one of my future posts will tell you the tale of the exclusive performance of Andy Kindler for us Humber kids at Comedy Bar!

I totally got him to say "My pie."

Just when I thought the universe was giving me a little break, I complained about it and somehow the universe found a way to take a shit in my mouth.

What a nice treat it was to find out just before the Holidays from the City of Toronto that my rent was going down!  Not a huge decrease, something like $8 and some cents.

Instead of being happy about it, I complained about how much more difficult it will be to write all those extra numbers on a check instead of the nice rounded amount I paid initially.

“It’s just easier to write BLAH-hundred”   But here I was writing “Blah-blah-blah hundred and blabitty blah cents.”

As the fates would have it, (or more like the capitalist pigs who own this property would have it,) they’ve jacked rent up an extra $20 and some.  So now, not only do I have to write out an un-rounded amount every month, but it’s also a fair chunk more expensive than it was in the first place!

That’ll teach me to complain.

For as much negative press Facebook, other social media and the Internet in general lately have been getting about “well, we’re basically spying on you”-type problems, as a budding comic, there really is no better tool to help keep your finger on the pulse of what’s going on around town.

For example, the other day, a fellow-comic and the first person who ever paid me to do a set, posted an event on Facebook that caught my eye: Goodmans Presents: Women in Comedy a panel discussion presented by the not-for-profit organization for women in screen-based media; WIFT.

  • Sidenote:  The discussion was held at the head office of the National Film Board, which I thought was pretty dang neat.

Should I have taken photos of the panelists as well as the coolness of the NFB build-your-own-igloo display? Yes.  Did I?  No.  I’m dumb.  Maybe it was the complimentary wine, or the excitement of meeting female writers and filmmakers living out their dreams as artists and encouraging me to do the same, but for some reason, photography was not a priority.

Here’s what I think about some of the topics the panelists covered and how they are relevant on my end of the spectrum (starting out) all the way through to those who’ve made their living from it.  Like her:

Female Role Model

The Drop-Off Rate:

The drop-off rate of women in comedy is huge.  This was attributed to many factors identified in the panel – but mainly, other things getting in the way.  Some of the gals discussed such life events as marriage and having kids.  It seems fairly evident that if you’re a woman who wants to settle down and have a family, the life of a stand-up comedian, performing nightly in dingy bars, and eventually working your way up to touring the country and even the globe, doesn’t seem all that conducive to typical parenthood.

I feel there are probably some lady comics who quit because they feel they do not have a place within the thousands of rape, abortion and baby killing jokes you have to sit-through as an amateur.

The high-testosterone-charged environment also makes it tough as a lady, because you might have to deal with some not-so-well adjusted men behaving in such a way, speaking in such a way as to make things rather uncomfortable.  *CERTAINLY NOT ALL male comedians are like this. Most aren’t!  But the few who do tend to stand out and can make an environment rather uncomfortable for someone who just wants to get up and get some stage-time, not be propositioned, or judged according to looks, breast size, waist size, length of legs, length of skirt…you catch my drift. Hell, sometimes it only takes one creepster!

I guess what I’m trying to say in old fashiony terms is that these environments are sometimes (*insert old British man voice*) “No place for a young lady!”  But listen, we want to be there, so make room and stop fucking around, guys.  We’ve got shit to say too!

...and planes to fly!

The panelists touched on this a little when we discussed the success of Tina Fey and Melissa McMcCarthy.  Both very successful ladies owning the scene right now for their work on TV and film.  I won’t go into much detail about these women or the other famous and successful women the panelists identified as their “comedy idols” because everyone knows about how most of these people got to where they are as most of them have written, or are in the process of writing, bestselling autobiographies on the subject. So you can just read those, ok?

OK.

Another way to look at it, and one of the panelists did, is that there is often an unintentional exclusion among male and female comics because say, some men might not feel comfortable writing for women and vice versa.  Men want to talk about what they know: guy stuff and same with girls.  But there are a lot of girls out there who want to write both for men and women and basically cover the whole human condition.  It becomes difficult to navigate when these boundaries exist, especially when people aren’t aware they’re putting them up.

Sometimes women do it to each other too.  “Well, I cover the woman-quota for this troupe, so no more chicks allowed, k guys?” Girls are awesome at treating each other terribly out of whatever; competitiveness, jealousy, territoriality, you name it!  This is something I’ve studied in sociological setting, but women are often terrible to each other; worse to each other than they are with men, hands down.  It’s awful.  In a perfect world, we’d all work together and everything would be peachy, but as it stands: “Kim’s a total slut, and rumour has it she fucked Sally’s ex, so you probably don’t want to put her on tonight’s bill, do you? I’m manipulative!”

Your Art

There was a strong overall sentiment of “Do it yourself and for yourself” among the panelists, stating that in this business, women must “work twice as hard and complain half as much”

*JUST TO CLARIFY, RE: The amount of complaining in this blog… just ignore it guys, OK?   Can I get a job now?*

Here are a list of several tips to this regard I thought will be helpful for the budding lady comic:

  • Latch onto people who WANT to work;
  • Reach out to the community if you’re struggling.  Lots of the gals have gone through what you’re going through and will be glad to help lift your spirits and encourage you to get back to it (sometimes with the help of a couple delicious pints, while they’re at it.)
  • Comparison is the WORST kind of self-harm
  • Perform AS MUCH as you can (if you want to be a performer… if you want to be a writer, substitute PERFORM with WRITE, if you want to do both, don’t sleep.  Ever.)
  • Collaborate with like-minded people;
  • And don’t give up… because if you give up, the terrorists win.

Thanks to Sarah Hillier, Sharilyn Johnson, Catherine McCormick, Erin Rodgers and moderator Jocelyn Geddie for a truly inspirational evening. And to all the other wonderful and talented women I had the pleasure of meeting that evening.

Tomorrow begins the last and final chapter/semester of Clown College.

"I don't think any of us expected him to say that."

How do I feel about that?  Well, I’m a bit of a mixed bag of emotions right now.  This term sortof marks the height of our accomplishments over the past two years.  We spend the last month (I think) showcasing our best 4-minute set in front of Mark Breslin & many other important people at Yuk Yuk’s, our best sketches and some of the top-plays will be selected to be put on at another performance – (location to be announced,) and finally, we compete for a coveted spot in the esteemed Industry Show on the Second City Mainstage.

I guess nervous, is what I am.  Nervous and excited.  Those are two things that really fuel me in this business/world/heavily-dominated-by-psychotic-people-industry so far.  Because if I was sortof bored and blasé about the performances, I think it’d be a sign that I wasn’t really into it.  I like the fact that for a few minutes before I perform a set, my brain pretty much shuts down and goes into “self-preservation” mode.  It means I’m doing something that evolution is telling me scares the shit out of other people. And not even a little part of me thinks that’s stupid.

I like locking myself in my apartment and working my words over and over again until I get them just right.  I’ve had help with that ever since first year univ… no wait, high school.  Writing something is one thing, but re-writing again and again and again is a whole different skill.  It requires patience, LOTS of patience.

What I’m not looking forward to is the getting-into-my-own-head-iness that I’ve been doing a lot; presuming things about people and their perceptions without anything but my own experiences and insecurities to back them (the presumptions) up.  Hopefully I’ll try to work on that as I continue in my attempts to cultivate mindfulness and appreciate the significance of being “in the moment” in the clown college atmosphere, because there genuinely is no other atmosphere quite like it.

So, wish me luck with as I embark this last semester with an open mind, that will almost certainly be shut ten minutes into class, because in actuality, I’m a terribly impatient human being.

Also, watching the Simpsons in languages I don’t understand is funny.  So here:

OK, here’s something school-related:

I just found out the 10-minute play I wrote for my Comedy Script Writing course was selected to be put on in our 10-minute Play Festival happening on the 1st & 2nd of February. (Pretty sure this is a free one, folks! … js.)

(Note: Out-of-towners, this gives you plenty of time to book the nights off to get here and see the play. For those coming in from Ottawa, the 10 minutes of performance will totally be worth the 5+ hour (depending on traffic) drive to get to see it.)

But for reals here, I’m super happy my play was selected because I put a lot of work into that thing, writing it and re-writing it. Loving it, having it torn apart, hating it, then finding it at least tolerable enough to hand in.

I know it will be hard work to see all these plays come to life; lots of rehearsing, memorizing lines etc. But it’s going to be so much fun. Just like filming those parody sketches was tremendously fun!

I can’t wait to see my classmates transform into WW1 soldiers and French prostitutes. It’s going to be a blast!

Better stop shaving your pits, Paige.

The other day I accidentally left a candle burning and I left my apartment for several hours.  When I got back, there was such a delightful odour in the apartment and thankfully (and more importantly,) the place hadn’t burned down.  My boyfriend said to me: “You scare me sometimes;”  words I’ve only ever heard uttered to people losing their marbles.

Am I losing my marbles, maybe?

 

Keeps me regular!

 

Note to self: Work out the ol’ brain more with daily sudoku.

I suppose a great way to stick to my New Years resolution of writing more/all the time, is to write more in this blog.  I know it’s supposed to be behind-the-scenes confessions about my time at Humber (Clown) College, but well, it’s the Holidays still, we don’t go back to school until Monday, so in the meantime, please excuse my non-school-based rambles.

My cat’s in heat.

(Why do I always talk about my cat?  I don’t mean to.  I don’t think any cat-owner means to talk about their cat(s) as much as they do.  They’re just so adorably distracting.)

Last night we cuddled and spent the evening catching up on hours upon hours worth of Glee.  Hey! I don’t care what you have to say!  That TV show, love it or hate it, is bringing more and more children into the performing arts.  I wish Con had a glee club when I attended school there.  We had an improv team that couldn’t afford to go to the only improv competition for French schools in Ontario.  It was all the way in Timmins.  That’s pretty damn far from the Niagara Region.

We couldn’t even put on plays.  We tried to once, but interest and enthusiasm among the cast was so low we had to cancel it (AND I’d nabbed the lead! #unfair)  Trying to compare my high school education with high schools on TV is impossible.  They don’t write shows for 300 or so French Canadian public school children, most of whom’s ambition remains “staying a live to deal pot to the next generation of Wellanders.”

I think small-town Franco-Ontarian culture does have a place within pop-culture.  Somebody get me on the phone with TFO!

I should probably have written that last bit of rantiness in French.

Eh bien.  Peut-être la prochaine fois.