I feel like I’ve got a whole lot to say about the past few days of Comedy School but I don’t know where to start and I realize it’s stupid to write something like that, because I should really just think about where to start and start there and not write about it because the reader might find that ridiculous.  It’s like when people post in yearbooks: “I don’t really know what to say… Have a nice summer?”  Ouch.  Ok, so high school didn’t hold the greatest memories for me.

… only kidding.  High school was GREAT…ish.

Anyway, so you may have read me mention that the three first-year classes of my Comedy: Writing and Performance program are putting on an Archival Sketch Performance at the Factory Theatre in Toronto in two weeks, in which each class will be putting on a different version of a hand-full of various sketches selected by the faculty.  If you haven’t read about it or if you’re interested at all, check out: http://www.facebook.com/?sk=messages#!/event.php?eid=178852265490587 and remember that I’m in section 01 when you decide which performance to come see.

We began our rehearsals a few days ago, but yesterday’s snow day put us a bit behind.  Anyway, we jumped into further rehearsals today and everything seems to be going well thus far.  Now, you all know I am TOTALLY one to complain and I don’t want to make this sound like a complaint, because I am pleased with the roles I’ve been given, I mean, I get to play Andrea Martin, and that is AWESOME… (If you don’t know who she is, shame on you: http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0551908/. There you go.  Educate yourselves…  Anyhoo, my beef is something that’s going on not only in my section, but all throughout the sections and in past performances as well.  My beef is that I’d hoped the casting would be a bit more… how shall I put this… progressive?  There are fewer women in the program than there are men.  I get it.  Take a look at the comedy world, there are significantly more men than women.  But does that mean that because a sketch was originally cast with men, that women cannot perform roles that really bring up no issues of gender whatsoever in their content?   There was all this nonsense about how it would be more difficult to cast women in roles seeing as how there are less funny sketches starring women in primary roles, rather than roles like: Lady Secretary or Buxom Blond, etc.

Anyway, here’s my case.  This is one of the sketches we’ll be putting on:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r3-LxmrFm40

Dave Foley and Kevin McDonald are men.  I’ll give them that.  But who’s to say either of these characters couldn’t be played by a woman?  I mean, what difference would it fucking make either way?  They’re talking about a movie for Pete’s sake.

Again.  I don’t want to sound complain-y, I guess I’m just surprised that it’s even an issue.

Wouldn’t it be great to have a progressive Who’s On First?  Women play baseball now.  I know.  It’s fucking mind-blowing:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sShMA85pv8M

That’d throw them ALL a curve.

Finally, proof that women are funny even in men’s roles (because we’ve already done it this year):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=QIHG2fB8thc

Am I right?

OK so you all get the point.  Brie, the angry feminist thinks that because we’re girls signed up in this program, we should have the same amount of privileges to perform in our favourite sketches as the dudes.

The retort:

Yes, Brie.  But if this was in the real world, you would never be cast as a man because you’re a woman.  Deal with that.

This ain’t the real world.  I’m paying a bunch of money and I should be able to flaunt my versatility, no?

Blah.  Again! I mean NO OFFENSE because I really dig the Andrea Martin role.  But come on!  It’s 2011 and you want us each to be performing our own interpretation of the sketches anyway, rather than impersonating the original cast members.  Switch it up a bit!!  Fuck.

*Deep breaths*

Anyway, there’s just no pleasing some people.  I get it.

Holy crap everybody!!!  Today, I got paid for writing funny stuff for the first time in my life!  Um, thrilling!  Sure, nothing I wrote has actually been put up anywhere yet, but… you know what guys & gals… it’ll all come in due time. What matters is that I wrote something funny and someone thought I should get paid for it.  Isn’t that exactly why I decided to come to Humber?

Well folks.  I’ve accomplished that, now I can quit and go back to working for the government and tell people it really wasn’t all it’s cracked up to be.  I’ll settle down, find a husband and have babies and tell them about the days when I used to be a paid comedian in Toronto.

And today in class, we discussed irony.

Today is the first of our Archival Show rehearsals, in which we will be taking already-existing sketches, written by people much more funny than ourselves, rehearse the shit out of them, then perform them for the public in February.

I’m excited. Hopefully I will be cast in a role in which a woman is funny.

… well maybe not that little.

Clown College this week ended as I theatrically punched a KFC Double Down into a collegue’s face. Apart from that, it has been rather a profound week in which I have taken in three of the key elements I need to remind myself of daily, in order to avoid a downspiraling pit of negativity and self-loathing.  The first is the importance of being present in the moment, on stage as well as in daily life.  This is something I’ve struggled with for some time, without really having known it until my anxiety reached the point of near-unconsciousness every time I rode the bus last year.

The next, is breathing.  It seems funny that somewhere along life’s path, some of us have to re-learn how to breathe, the most basic of human necessities.  Stress can do some pretty crazy stuff to the body and performance anxiety can often be pretty damn stressful, especially if you’re not fully-prepared for your performance or you’re not standing behind it 100% of the way.  Following my mediocre set at Yuk Yuk’s this week, I got one of the worst headaches I’ve ever had!  It can’t be because I’m not used to performing because in one way or another, be it dance, public speaking, barking order or guiding tours, I’ve been performing for the public pretty well all my life.  I guess the stakes are a bit higher now and I occasionally need to remind my lungs and brain of that, lest I die.

Finally, I’m going to need to continually reinforce to myself that I don’t give a shit what anybody but the audience thinks about my performances, especially in development/preparation mode even though everyone’s always got something to contribute.  I just need to go for it and stop being such a chicken shit.

Blah, these publicly-posted self-musings make me feel like a pretentious, narcissistic drama-queen, which can only mean one thing:

I’m on the right track.

As I sit here contemplating my poverty, I’m trying hard to ignore the mountain of debt I am accumulating while also attempting, with some difficulty to get back into the “it’ll all work itself out in the end, you’re here for the experience” mindset.  First semester started off all fun and games but as we move forward, the former public-servant in me is asking for more bacon.

I’m distracted as I look at my hand and over to my shoulder, where many tiny bruises have surfaced following a Physical Comedy class in which we learned some basic stage fighting techniques.  These bruises are similar to those I would sustain on my arms when I played on the volleyball team back in high school.   My mom always used to worry people would think I was a hardcore junkie.  So, the attached photos are further proof to my parents that I’m enjoying what I’m doing here at Humber.  As far back as I could remember I would sustain injuries doing things I loved.  It’s good to be back in the pain game!  Ha!

Anyway… about stage fighting…How can I put this so you’ll fully understand what I thought about this class.  It… pretty much rocked everybody’s socks off, including my own.  I don’t know if I’ll ever get my socks back, in fact.  I mean, apart from the bruising, how could anyone not find satisfaction in pretending to hit someone and watching that person pretend it actually hurts?  It’s like, all the fun of fighting, including a response to your own actions, but nobody actually gets hurt and you don’t get sent to prison!   I think my favourite moves of the day were the kicks (a la Lara Croft), the faux-kick to the nuts (comedy gold!) and the fake-choking people, because I felt that was the most true-to-life feel to it.  Anyway, so if anyone ever wants to have a fake fight with me, let me know, because I enjoyed it immensely.

Otherwise, I’ve completed my first week back at the grind.  Already we’ve missed one Acting class and I can already tell I will be having flashbacks to public humiliation in my Sketch troupe.   It was great to be back to Stand-Up, where we are looking at the business-end of the biz and, as previously mentioned, the Physical comedy class was a riot!

All in all, it’s been a not-so-promising, and then promising, and then not-so-promising and then promising start to Term 2. 

But we all need a good balance in life, right?

Ooooh!  Some great news!  The first years (ie my classmates and I) will be putting on a charity Archival Show in mid-February.  We’ll be performing some classic SNL/Kids in the Hall/Other awesome sketch troupes’ work and collecting muns for a local community centre.  And what’s great about it, is that anyone can come.  So if you’re reading this, and you’re looking for a way to laugh and feel good about yourself, stay tuned for the specifics!

And not that this has to do with Comedy or anything, but I just finished Day 5 sans Coke.  I’m not entirely sure I can attribute my constant headaches to the lack of caffeine and sugar, but I’m sure it’s a contributing factor.  Also, I’m giving you all a fair warning: Putting a can or a bottle of Coke near my eyesight in the next few weeks or so, will be a surefire way to get yourself stabbed…

Well good bye!!

After the most time off I’ve had, probably since high school, I’m feeling excited about returning to Toronto tomorrow.  I’m ready to get back in the game!  Not that I necessarily left the game while away from the big city, considering the singular performance I had last Monday in Ottawa (which went AWESOME, by the way!) The Open Mic show at Absolute in Ottawa was a great way to see how my stuff works with a crowd of people who aren’t predominantly comics themselves.  The response on Monday was quite positive. Were some of my friends there in the audience?  Yes.  Did I stack the audience?  Only a BIT. Not as much as some, certainly!  Am I glad some of my best pals from Ottawa, whom I never get to see anymore since having moved away, attended the performance?  You betcha!

I was talking about how fun it would be to organize a small tour of performers around cities the size of Ottawa; university towns and such. I wonder how that would turn out.  I should look into that for the Spring.

Going back to school, I have to address somewhat of a shift in dynamic I intend to experience next semester.  Recently, my brother and sister-in-law and their two kids have moved back to Canada after having lived in Scotland for quite some time. Both parents have managed to score sweet jobs in TO and I will be living in Mississauga.  It’s been a while since I’ve lived anywhere near my family, so I’m curious to see, not so much from a comedy perspective, but just in general, how life will play out having people nearby who will let me do my laundry at their place for free!  🙂

I’m so excited for semester 2.  I’m going in with a fresh perspective.  I feel like I’ve made an effort in the first semester to get out there and perform and I’m looking at applying myself and working harder (and sleeping less as a result) this time around. Especially when it comes to writing jokes and sketches.

I can’t wait!

Who’s got two thumbs and is stoked about tonight’s Open Mic set at Absolute Comedy in Ottawa?  *This gal!* (Replace asterisks with thumbs for this to make sense visually.)

It’ll be my first time playing at a real comedy club that isn’t Yuk’s and my first time performing in Ottawa.  This is exciting stuff people!

If anyone’s interested in attending, here’s the info:

http://absolutecomedy.ca/evntomm.html

Get there early!  Apparently Open Mic nights fill up quick in the Capital!

OK, so I know the last blog was all ranty, but I’ve gotta say… BLAHHHH!  I miss the creative atmosphere of Toronto!  I miss the supportive people I’ve met and worked/studied with and who’ve taught me,  I miss…dagnabbit, I miss SCHOOL!  It’s hard to be away from the action, even though there is some action elsewhere.  For example, I managed to get a spot on Absolute Ottawa’s Open Mic night on Monday, January 3rd at 8pm.  Anybody expecting to attend should buy tickets in advance.  Apparently they sell out quick on amateur nights.

For those of you who read this and are interested in attending, keep your expectations of me low.

Thank you.

I recently watched Jerry Seinfeld’s “Comedian.” Unlike most of my school colleagues, I’m an old fart and it takes me forever to get around to watching things they all rave about, it’s probably because I don’t have the patience for YouTube, which is kindof ironic considering how it caters to this ADD generation of people who get distracted at the first sign of oooooh look, something shiny!

Anyway, where was I?  Oh yeah, the point is, I loved it.  It showed me what I wanted to hear, which is: work freaking hard, never stop going to clubs or you’ll lose it and there are no guarantees, so keep working fucking hard.  All the motivational speakers at Humber have been like: “Oh, my success just happened upon be by luck,” or “I was at the right place at the right time!” or “a clan of leprechauns stuck four-leaf clovers up my ass and danced a jolly jig and poof, I became rich!.”   This film was a more honest and a little gritty perspective on doing what needs to be done if you want to be a stand-up comic.

I also didn’t get to talk about the two sets I did before Christmas, at Yuk’s and at the Korova Milkbar, put on by my roommate and her buddy.  Both of which, I am proud to say, contained new “Seasonal” material, which seems to fly well at both shows.  It was encouraging and really fun to put something pertinent together with a Holiday theme.

I’m currently in Ottawa and, despite the free time on my hands, am finding it exceptionally difficult to accomplish the tasks that have been asked of me over the Holiday season.  Hopefully tomorrow I’ll get back to it, because Lord knows I won’t be in the mood on New Years Eve, New Years Day (as I’ll be recovering), January 2nd – one of my best buds’ wedding days or the day after that (as I’ll once again be recovering.) But I’ve promised my Ottawa hosts cheesecake, and that might take up a bit of my time… so we’ll see…cheesecake is delicious, after all.  But is it more tasty than song parody?  Probably.  I’m gonna go with probably.

I’m home in Welland for the Holidays and I’ve been musing on the whole Clown College experience thus far…

My first semester at Humber has been pretty eye-opening, life-altering and all that.  I feel different in my interactions with people now, in a good way;  in a more comfortable way, but at the same time, not.  I’m studying and practicing an art that is opening up some element of my personality, which had been suppressed for a long time.  But now, the individuality, the uniqueness, the sometimes oddness of it is being encouraged rather than criticized and/or questioned.  It’s a truly fascinating process to go through.

But also, the fact that I’ve been thrown into several situations of social regression, I can’t help but think there must be a way to avoid the associated bullshit that comes with children not getting what they want.

Having come from a hardworking background of study (I did get my Bachelor’s degree, after all,) and employment (several jobs for the government and a management position in the private sector,) I took a professional approach to this course and expected the same from my peers, or, at least as much as is possible given the nature of our practice.  But when drama over such pathetic nonsense as romantic pursuits entered the equation, I immediately began to suffer professionally, and this, picked-up on by one professors, who noted a significant difference in my behaviour and decline in my enthusiasm about mid-way through the semester. That this was noticeable is seriously disturbing to me.

Is it because I’m a woman in a male-dominated field?  Probably.  Should I feel any additional pressure or discomfort or leftoutedness in this highly male-dominated social atmosphere? I’m learning I should come to expect this.  What I do not expect is to have to dread working with certain individuals in class lest they insult me or treat me as less than what I am for reasons that involve their own damaged egos.

I treat people with respect and expect the same in return.  Not the cold shoulder and no passive-aggressive condescension.  I’m not in college to find a boyfriend, settle down and have babies. I’ve gone to school.  I’ve worked.  Now, I’m serious about wanting to be a comedian.   If anyone haven’t figured that out for themselves by now, or feels differently, perhaps they should re-evaluate their own expectations from this program.

“Hallelujah, holy shit!  Where’s the Tylenol?”

Thus endeth the first semester of Clown College: with a bit of good news, a bit of bad news, then more good times, a nap and some good times after that.

It’s the nap’s fault I’m up at 2:50 a.m. though.  Cursed naps.

A few of our teacher’s had “one-on-one” meetings with each student in the program to talk about our progress, strengths and stuff to work on for the next semester etc.  How amazing of a thing is that!?  That did NOT happen in university.  AND… they’re really encouraging!  They notice things about us.  They notice dips in energy.  They call us on our shit.   It’s great to have such readily available feedback!

Anyway, high praise from one prof and then a “wtf was your sketch about” from another prof, a bunch of the students performed a variety of sketches, improv games and stand-up to send the semester off with some cheer.  Organized by one of the students in my class, with help from one of our teacher’s, the show was a huge success!  It was also the first time I got to “perform” improv since I’ve been to Toronto.  It was FUN!!  The whole show was just a demonstration about how gifted and how funny the kids in this program really are!  And folks, that’s encouraging for you too because it gives you something to look forward to in the way of comedy in Canada.  Just sayin’.

Now I won’t be in class for the next three weeks and I’m going to have to think hard about what to do with all this time.  Writing jokes and seeing people is what I had in mind.

Falling asleep right now and avoiding Peanut’s heat-goo is another.

Good night!