More than a few times in comedy school, people will ask me if I like comedians, typically stand-ups, about whom I know absolutely nothing.  It’s always brought up the same way: “Are you serious?  YOU haven’t heard of such and such? How can you even be in COMEDY, you IDIOT! ”

Whenever I feel ignorant about the existence or talent of some stand-up comedian I’m apparently missing out on, I have to keep reminding myself that for the six years prior to my enrollment at Humber, I was learning about the political theorists influencing rebellion in the time of Louis XVI and certainly not the comedy of Louie C.K.

What guys?  You’ve never heard of Michel Foucault?   You haven’t critically analyzed his comparison of modern society to Jeremy Benthan’s “Panopticon” prison design?  Psssht!  We can’t be friends anymore.

I was a different kind of nerd, and it’s taking me some time to adapt to this new field of Comedy Nerdom.

The point I’m making is twofold:

  • First, the fact of the matter is, I’ve been out of the game a little while, and I’m only getting back in.  I was never a super-fan of stand-up comedy.  I was always into sketch, and my background is in improv.  So give me a break.  Instead of making me feel like a moron for not knowing someone like Andy Kindler, maybe recommend I go see some of his stand-up on Letterman, or on YouTube, or at the Comedy Bar and;
  • Second, I saw Andy Kindler at the Comedy Bar last weekend

I didn’t get to take any photos, so for any of you who read this blog and like me a few weeks ago, have no idea who Andy Kindler is, feel free to check THIS out.

The program coordinator of our Comedy Program is apparently a big BIG fan of Andy Kindler’s and arranged to have him perform a special show only for the students in our program.  We packed the Comedy Bar pretty well to the brim.  After his hilarious performance (pausing briefly to explain why we didn’t understand some of his references, and why he wasn’t getting the response he wanted on certain jokes – which was hysterical,) Kindler held back for a Q&A with us Humber rats.

He answered a question about how his musical background (he was a classically-trained violinist) helped train his comic rhythm and warned of the damages of censoring one’s thoughts in the writing process (you could be losing a few good gems.)  Also, he mentioned not to worry too much about where your career is and to focus rather on improving on your own terms (OK, Mom & Dad? – //jokes// they’re actually really supportive.)

Kindler mentioned a lot of other good stuff too, but to tell you all about it would be like betraying a sacred comedy oath.  And by that I mean, I’m too tired to activate my brain to remember everything he talked about a WHOLE week ago…Yeesh.

If you were hoping this post would be a review of the Kindler show, I do apologize.  But you can go HERE for that.

Although I’ll try my best to give you my own review:

  • My throat hurt from laughing so much.  THE END.

Good enough?

Now go find out about Foucault.

Our director, the fabulous Mr. Shawn Campbell has announced the schedule for our Humber College’s Ten-Minute Play Festival!

See: 10-Minutes in Heaven

If you’re interested in the details, here they are:

Humber Comedy’s Ten-Minute Play Festival:

Wednesday, February 1st & Tuesday February 2nd 2012

Join us for a formidable festival of 10-minute plays written and performed by the second year students of Humber College’s Comedy Program!

This is a free event and we encourage anyone to attend! Friends, family, family-friends, co-workers, ex-lovers, craigslist randos, etc.

Invite whoever your heart desires!

THE PERFORMANCES:

First Night – Wed. Feb 1st – Curtain 7pm.

1. At The Gates – by Avery Edison
2. Facebook Is Ruining My Life – by Carolyn Nesling
3. The Talk – by Blake Finnie
4. PTA Games – by Jim Crone
5. The Adventures of Procrastination Man and his Sidekick Gentle Reminder Boy – by Andrew Barr
6. The Shaft – by Adam Parlette

INTERMISSION

7. All For Nothing – by Nola Cooks
8. Ballet For Beginners by Paige Turner  (<—– I’m in this one, as a Russian ballet teacher.  Awesome, right?)
9. Pre-Wedding Jitters by Steve Di Cecco
10. Tourist Season – by Kate Barberio
11. La Maison Bethune – by Brie Watson (<—- I wrote this one.   All my Vimy peeps:it’s about a brothel in WW1 France, the male lead, you guessed it, a tunneller)

Second Night – Thurs. Feb 2nd – Curtain 7pm.

1. Romeo And Reality – by Archi Zuber
2. Fatherly Advice – by Rob Jodoin
3. The Decision – by Brandon Mohammed
4. Hypothetically Her – by Matt McAllister
5. Harlequin – by Rachel Moore
6. Team Work Works – by Sam MacDonnell

INTERMISSION

7. The Contract – by Kyle Woolven
8. The Train Ride – by Eli Terlson
9. Dog Wedding – by Ashley Moffatt    (<—— I’m in this one too!)
10. Eric The Hapless Knight – by Charlie Shanbaum
11. For A Few Teeth More – by Jorge Viveros

ASHLEY:  Then how did WE survive?

BRIE:  Wheatgrass.

ASHLEY:  What?

BRIE: We were in the freezer with the wheatgrass.  Haven’t you worked here for like forever?  You should know that not only does wheatgrass prevent cancer and detoxify your body, it’s also resistent to thermo-nuclear blasts when cooled and kept in a confined space such as our refrigerator.

ASHLEY:  How do you even know any of those words?

BRIE:  D’uh.  It’s in the Booster Juice employee training manual.

 

For as much negative press Facebook, other social media and the Internet in general lately have been getting about “well, we’re basically spying on you”-type problems, as a budding comic, there really is no better tool to help keep your finger on the pulse of what’s going on around town.

For example, the other day, a fellow-comic and the first person who ever paid me to do a set, posted an event on Facebook that caught my eye: Goodmans Presents: Women in Comedy a panel discussion presented by the not-for-profit organization for women in screen-based media; WIFT.

  • Sidenote:  The discussion was held at the head office of the National Film Board, which I thought was pretty dang neat.

Should I have taken photos of the panelists as well as the coolness of the NFB build-your-own-igloo display? Yes.  Did I?  No.  I’m dumb.  Maybe it was the complimentary wine, or the excitement of meeting female writers and filmmakers living out their dreams as artists and encouraging me to do the same, but for some reason, photography was not a priority.

Here’s what I think about some of the topics the panelists covered and how they are relevant on my end of the spectrum (starting out) all the way through to those who’ve made their living from it.  Like her:

Female Role Model

The Drop-Off Rate:

The drop-off rate of women in comedy is huge.  This was attributed to many factors identified in the panel – but mainly, other things getting in the way.  Some of the gals discussed such life events as marriage and having kids.  It seems fairly evident that if you’re a woman who wants to settle down and have a family, the life of a stand-up comedian, performing nightly in dingy bars, and eventually working your way up to touring the country and even the globe, doesn’t seem all that conducive to typical parenthood.

I feel there are probably some lady comics who quit because they feel they do not have a place within the thousands of rape, abortion and baby killing jokes you have to sit-through as an amateur.

The high-testosterone-charged environment also makes it tough as a lady, because you might have to deal with some not-so-well adjusted men behaving in such a way, speaking in such a way as to make things rather uncomfortable.  *CERTAINLY NOT ALL male comedians are like this. Most aren’t!  But the few who do tend to stand out and can make an environment rather uncomfortable for someone who just wants to get up and get some stage-time, not be propositioned, or judged according to looks, breast size, waist size, length of legs, length of skirt…you catch my drift. Hell, sometimes it only takes one creepster!

I guess what I’m trying to say in old fashiony terms is that these environments are sometimes (*insert old British man voice*) “No place for a young lady!”  But listen, we want to be there, so make room and stop fucking around, guys.  We’ve got shit to say too!

...and planes to fly!

The panelists touched on this a little when we discussed the success of Tina Fey and Melissa McMcCarthy.  Both very successful ladies owning the scene right now for their work on TV and film.  I won’t go into much detail about these women or the other famous and successful women the panelists identified as their “comedy idols” because everyone knows about how most of these people got to where they are as most of them have written, or are in the process of writing, bestselling autobiographies on the subject. So you can just read those, ok?

OK.

Another way to look at it, and one of the panelists did, is that there is often an unintentional exclusion among male and female comics because say, some men might not feel comfortable writing for women and vice versa.  Men want to talk about what they know: guy stuff and same with girls.  But there are a lot of girls out there who want to write both for men and women and basically cover the whole human condition.  It becomes difficult to navigate when these boundaries exist, especially when people aren’t aware they’re putting them up.

Sometimes women do it to each other too.  “Well, I cover the woman-quota for this troupe, so no more chicks allowed, k guys?” Girls are awesome at treating each other terribly out of whatever; competitiveness, jealousy, territoriality, you name it!  This is something I’ve studied in sociological setting, but women are often terrible to each other; worse to each other than they are with men, hands down.  It’s awful.  In a perfect world, we’d all work together and everything would be peachy, but as it stands: “Kim’s a total slut, and rumour has it she fucked Sally’s ex, so you probably don’t want to put her on tonight’s bill, do you? I’m manipulative!”

Your Art

There was a strong overall sentiment of “Do it yourself and for yourself” among the panelists, stating that in this business, women must “work twice as hard and complain half as much”

*JUST TO CLARIFY, RE: The amount of complaining in this blog… just ignore it guys, OK?   Can I get a job now?*

Here are a list of several tips to this regard I thought will be helpful for the budding lady comic:

  • Latch onto people who WANT to work;
  • Reach out to the community if you’re struggling.  Lots of the gals have gone through what you’re going through and will be glad to help lift your spirits and encourage you to get back to it (sometimes with the help of a couple delicious pints, while they’re at it.)
  • Comparison is the WORST kind of self-harm
  • Perform AS MUCH as you can (if you want to be a performer… if you want to be a writer, substitute PERFORM with WRITE, if you want to do both, don’t sleep.  Ever.)
  • Collaborate with like-minded people;
  • And don’t give up… because if you give up, the terrorists win.

Thanks to Sarah Hillier, Sharilyn Johnson, Catherine McCormick, Erin Rodgers and moderator Jocelyn Geddie for a truly inspirational evening. And to all the other wonderful and talented women I had the pleasure of meeting that evening.

Tomorrow begins the last and final chapter/semester of Clown College.

"I don't think any of us expected him to say that."

How do I feel about that?  Well, I’m a bit of a mixed bag of emotions right now.  This term sortof marks the height of our accomplishments over the past two years.  We spend the last month (I think) showcasing our best 4-minute set in front of Mark Breslin & many other important people at Yuk Yuk’s, our best sketches and some of the top-plays will be selected to be put on at another performance – (location to be announced,) and finally, we compete for a coveted spot in the esteemed Industry Show on the Second City Mainstage.

I guess nervous, is what I am.  Nervous and excited.  Those are two things that really fuel me in this business/world/heavily-dominated-by-psychotic-people-industry so far.  Because if I was sortof bored and blasé about the performances, I think it’d be a sign that I wasn’t really into it.  I like the fact that for a few minutes before I perform a set, my brain pretty much shuts down and goes into “self-preservation” mode.  It means I’m doing something that evolution is telling me scares the shit out of other people. And not even a little part of me thinks that’s stupid.

I like locking myself in my apartment and working my words over and over again until I get them just right.  I’ve had help with that ever since first year univ… no wait, high school.  Writing something is one thing, but re-writing again and again and again is a whole different skill.  It requires patience, LOTS of patience.

What I’m not looking forward to is the getting-into-my-own-head-iness that I’ve been doing a lot; presuming things about people and their perceptions without anything but my own experiences and insecurities to back them (the presumptions) up.  Hopefully I’ll try to work on that as I continue in my attempts to cultivate mindfulness and appreciate the significance of being “in the moment” in the clown college atmosphere, because there genuinely is no other atmosphere quite like it.

So, wish me luck with as I embark this last semester with an open mind, that will almost certainly be shut ten minutes into class, because in actuality, I’m a terribly impatient human being.

Also, watching the Simpsons in languages I don’t understand is funny.  So here:

OK, here’s something school-related:

I just found out the 10-minute play I wrote for my Comedy Script Writing course was selected to be put on in our 10-minute Play Festival happening on the 1st & 2nd of February. (Pretty sure this is a free one, folks! … js.)

(Note: Out-of-towners, this gives you plenty of time to book the nights off to get here and see the play. For those coming in from Ottawa, the 10 minutes of performance will totally be worth the 5+ hour (depending on traffic) drive to get to see it.)

But for reals here, I’m super happy my play was selected because I put a lot of work into that thing, writing it and re-writing it. Loving it, having it torn apart, hating it, then finding it at least tolerable enough to hand in.

I know it will be hard work to see all these plays come to life; lots of rehearsing, memorizing lines etc. But it’s going to be so much fun. Just like filming those parody sketches was tremendously fun!

I can’t wait to see my classmates transform into WW1 soldiers and French prostitutes. It’s going to be a blast!

Better stop shaving your pits, Paige.

I suppose a great way to stick to my New Years resolution of writing more/all the time, is to write more in this blog.  I know it’s supposed to be behind-the-scenes confessions about my time at Humber (Clown) College, but well, it’s the Holidays still, we don’t go back to school until Monday, so in the meantime, please excuse my non-school-based rambles.

My cat’s in heat.

(Why do I always talk about my cat?  I don’t mean to.  I don’t think any cat-owner means to talk about their cat(s) as much as they do.  They’re just so adorably distracting.)

Last night we cuddled and spent the evening catching up on hours upon hours worth of Glee.  Hey! I don’t care what you have to say!  That TV show, love it or hate it, is bringing more and more children into the performing arts.  I wish Con had a glee club when I attended school there.  We had an improv team that couldn’t afford to go to the only improv competition for French schools in Ontario.  It was all the way in Timmins.  That’s pretty damn far from the Niagara Region.

We couldn’t even put on plays.  We tried to once, but interest and enthusiasm among the cast was so low we had to cancel it (AND I’d nabbed the lead! #unfair)  Trying to compare my high school education with high schools on TV is impossible.  They don’t write shows for 300 or so French Canadian public school children, most of whom’s ambition remains “staying a live to deal pot to the next generation of Wellanders.”

I think small-town Franco-Ontarian culture does have a place within pop-culture.  Somebody get me on the phone with TFO!

I should probably have written that last bit of rantiness in French.

Eh bien.  Peut-être la prochaine fois.

You think it’s over.  You tell the cashier at Shopper’s Drug Mart that this is it.  The last item on your Christmas shopping list.  You go home to celebrate.  You begin wrapping everything up and realize…

Nope.

I still need to get a basket to put all this person’s stuff in, because it’d be weird if they opened them up individually.  Individually, it’s a weird gift, but in a basket, it makes sense.

This person’s basket looks to empty, I should go buy more chocolate to fill it up, or something like that.  Maybe a candle?

This person didn’t get as much stuff as this person.  They’re going to think I like this person more than them.  I’d better go buy them something else so they don’t get that impression.

I hope I don’t see this person until this time, because I won’t have a gift ready for them in time.

Oh shoot, I keep forgetting to send those Christmas cards I’d written at least a week ago.  There’s no way they’ll get them on time for Christmas now.  Should I even bother sending them?

It.  Never. Ends.

Merry Christmas Eve Eve everybody!  I need to go find more baskets.