Category: Uncategorized

Just when I thought the universe was giving me a little break, I complained about it and somehow the universe found a way to take a shit in my mouth.

What a nice treat it was to find out just before the Holidays from the City of Toronto that my rent was going down!  Not a huge decrease, something like $8 and some cents.

Instead of being happy about it, I complained about how much more difficult it will be to write all those extra numbers on a check instead of the nice rounded amount I paid initially.

“It’s just easier to write BLAH-hundred”   But here I was writing “Blah-blah-blah hundred and blabitty blah cents.”

As the fates would have it, (or more like the capitalist pigs who own this property would have it,) they’ve jacked rent up an extra $20 and some.  So now, not only do I have to write out an un-rounded amount every month, but it’s also a fair chunk more expensive than it was in the first place!

That’ll teach me to complain.

The other day I accidentally left a candle burning and I left my apartment for several hours.  When I got back, there was such a delightful odour in the apartment and thankfully (and more importantly,) the place hadn’t burned down.  My boyfriend said to me: “You scare me sometimes;”  words I’ve only ever heard uttered to people losing their marbles.

Am I losing my marbles, maybe?

 

Keeps me regular!

 

Note to self: Work out the ol’ brain more with daily sudoku.

Christmas shopping in Toronto is Satan’s nephew.

Why are the stores in the Eaton Centre so small?  That mall is gigantic!  You could maybe expand the space for the good gift-buying stores, and leave out the waste-of-space stores (ALDO Accessories?  Just sell that shit at ALDO, wtf!  The money’s going to the same place at the end of the day anyway!) AND, those stores that do have a shitload of space normally, just cram the aisles filled with pre-fashioned-together box sets of crap in bulk.  (I’m looking at you, Body Shop.)

How pathetic is HMV looking these days?  I know you have eight million copies of Nickelback’s new album, but would it kill you to have the one album I’m looking for in stock?  Seriously?  I’m glad you’re going bankrupt, HMV. Those “Best Deals of the Year” fluorescent signs all over the place isn’t hiding that from my sight.

Dumb HMV Lady:  “Oh, I’m sorry… We’re all out of that particular product.  We’re getting a huge new shipment next week though.”

Me: “Next week.  You see how that isn’t particularly helpful for me, don’t you?”

Dumb HMV Lady: “Oh… is it a Christmas gift?”

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!

And shame on you, Sherway Gardens.  Shame on you for SUCKING so hard.  Not a single toy for kids under the age of 3 at the Sears there.  That’s ageist.

There are stanchions in every store in Toronto.

Every. Store.

Stanchions.

That’s how many people go into EVERY STORE in Toronto.  They need crowd control devices EVERYWHERE.  In Hallmark.  For crying out loud.  I love Hallmark, but normally only old ladies shop there.

The idea of the personal bubble evaporates during the Christmas-shopping season in the big city.  I’ve never accidentally bumped into so many people, or had to shout out EXCUSE ME so loud, or been hit by so many shopping bags in my life!  It doesn’t help everyone’s wearing their bulky winter jackets (even though it hasn’t properly begun to snow here yet, so really there isn’t the need for them quite yet)…

And after a days’ shopping.  You can count on the TTC for a most pleasant trip back home.

Pfft.

What fun it is to commiserate over the fact that we’ve decided having babies is not the priority in our lives.

Instead, we can be 27 and go out ’til 3 a.m. rocking out as a man dressed as Santa Claus fake-urinates on a crowd before ripping apart an adorable plush elephant with a chainsaw and shooting off fireworks.

I’m not saying it’s not a noble thing to want to bring new life to the world.

 

I’m just saying… chainsaws, bitches.  Chainsaws!

What a crazy and fun couple of weeks culminating in our parody shoots!

This was a project we started a while ago – when everyone had to submit one parody sketch for our sketch comedy writing class.   I wrote one about Star Trek, a sortof ‘what if everyone in Star Trek were as apathetic as the young are today?’ (because these sketches were supposed to have some sort of relevant social message.  Also, because I like Star Trek.

A handful of sketches were selected by our sketch teacher to be filmed in a proper/professional SNL-type three-camera professional shoot.

After several edits and rehearsals, we finally shot all the parodies on Thursday and Friday in one of the studios at school.  You would hardly recognize it from every other day.  It was completely transformed to accommodate our shoot.

We got our hair done professionally & were made-up, costumed-up & sent out to the studio.  There were individually unique sets for each parody, which the director admitted he was worried about when I’d mentioned I wanted my sketch shot on the bridge of the Enterprise.

I have to admit, the costumes were pretty spot on:

I can’t wait to see what comes of these sketches.  I don’t know if we’re involved in the editing process at all, although admittedly, that would be very helpful to sit in on.  Blah!  Either way, I want to see them NOW!

Also, as tiring as the filming days were, (I went to bed immediately when I got home after the first day of shooting, no joke, I went to lay down on the couch and was like.. yup, this is happening and zonked out at like 9:30pm,) I can’t wait to get on another set.  Although, hopefully next time I won’t be obligated to dress as a prostitute.

Or will I?

No please, not again.  I looked like shit.